Pitler and Associates
A Divorce Diversion Game Plan
When I last left off I suggested that a man has a big responsibility in making a successful marriage. In my discussions, I suggested that life is easier for a man than a woman. We never received any message or any disagreement suggesting any other point of view. So if we agree, what can a man due in his marriage to make it work the way marriage was intended? The answer is in many forms. I am giving out some ideas. The game plan I have is to stop divorces as that will make the United States a better country. As we have previously said, it is recognized that some marriages should be ended. It is the right course of action for all concerned. We are not trying to reach those unfortunate families; we are talking about ideas to be considered before you marry and/ or how to make your marriage better. Consider the following:
- Be Realistic. Be realistic and do not expect your marriage will make you superman or superwoman. Marriage is what you make of it, not what it makes of you. Marriage is going through life together, instead of alone. Success can be defined how well we deal with our problems. We all have them. Marriage will not stop problems. Work hard to get over your personal problems before you get married. When married recognize who you are and be realistic with expectations. Have dreams, of course. Make realistic goals to reach. Be fair with your spouse.
- Do not disrupt the routine of marriage. No matter the problems, continue your lives together. As the problems are solved you will be drawn closer. If the problem is between you two, do not no matter what change the marriage routine. Professional help could be something that is considered if the problem does not seem to be getting better. But continue the routine. If there is violence then the matter is out of control and professional intervention is needed. We are talking about non-violent situations.
- No mater what the issue between you is, solve it. Take a break. Think about things. Then you figure out what needs to be done to bring peace to the relationship. When things are peaceful, sit down and in very calm terms point out the issue you had and see if there is some agreement you can make that will bring some resolution. But do not break the peace you made. If you are fair, your spouse, if fair, will want to please you on your point. Remember a long-standing quarrel becomes an illness and hardens attitudes.
- No matter what, never say the word divorce. Do not open the door to potentiality. Words themselves can create realities. Do not use the word divorce. If the word is used, then professional advice should be sought how too properly and equitably end the marriage. Zero tolerance here.
- Men, be loyal. Nothing kills love more than disloyalty. Do not get yourself into a complicated life style. It will make you feel guilty and you will be impossible to your spouse. You will be found out and will lose every thing. Loyalty also means do not reticule your spouse. Do not embarrass your spouse. Henny Youngman jokes about your wife are just not appropriate. Laughing at yourself is appropriate. If you and your spouse are in the situation of fidelity disloyalty, you need to seek professional help.
- Never say that you hate the other person. When you say I hate you, the best analogy of what takes place in a marriage relationship, is like breaking a plate. You can put it back together, but it is not the same as it was. Do not say to your spouse she is ugly (you can say the situation is ugly) as that will ruin any chance to make peace. This part can be so important if you want to retain romance in the relationship. Let me tell you romance can go a long way. It is like putting money in a bank account for a rainy day. What you build up in romance can help make up for a lot of mistakes you are going to make in the relationship. No need, no benefit no good conduct to say I hate you or you are ugly.
- Love your wife as you would like her to love you. Talk about marriage being a spiritual relationship!!! You shall not have any animosity towards your spouse. It has been said “A small transgression against your spouse, repeated a number of times, is like taking thin cords and twisting them together until they finally become a heavy rope.” That is how serious it is to repeat an action against your spouse. I have experienced this part myself both on the receiving and delivering ends. I want to stop the receiving and I must stop what I am doing. The cure, I promise you, is you stop your action at once. When you are on the receiving end, you sit down and say am not doing what you do not like; would you please do the same on what I do not like. If you have stopped, it is a very good chance she will take up the challenge. If both of you stop the offending conduct, within a very short period of time both sides will get what they want and you will have a happy wife and a good life.
- Display your regard for your mate. Give your spouse credit for what he or she does. If a guy is working at his capacity, be grateful for what you have and stop complaining about what you do not have. The same is true about being grateful and acknowledging that your wife is the best woman in the whole world — she is the best. She is putting up with you, gives you children and keeps a house. Gentlemen, it is the best deal there is.
- This is a big one–Maintain your appearance. Gulp, the endless fight. But when my wife is planning proper meals, making sure we work out and keep up our appearance, it is a gift beyond investigation. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. When you love and take care of your self you can better love your spouse.
- Be a Man, not a Tyrant. A tyrant is an insecure person who never grew up and has to control everything. A man has it better and he can afford to be considerate and giving. Try yes dear I will do it or agree. If there is a real good reason not to agree, then be man enough to explain it to your spouse. Being a man includes taking care of your spouse. Do what ever you need to do to have a peaceful home.